Let’s be clear here — it’s easy to love yourself when you look in the mirror and like what you see.
We can all join the celebration of ourselves when we are adored by others, whether we followed through on our own high-standards or we delivered a groundbreaking solution for humanity.
But, what happens when you face an obstacle, the one that’s been bugging you for years, and you cave, yet again?
That sense of failure, and the feeling of shame and guilt that comes with it.
The irony is that that’s the most appropriate time to practice self-love.
Or at least self-acceptance.
If you are one of those who continued educating yourself after high school or uni, you are probably familiar with the latest studies on the effect love has on us.
If you haven’t done much research on this, I suggest checking out the Ikea’s plant experiment, Dr.Emoto’s water experiment or see how meditating on love affects the violence ratings.
We now understand love is what creates the magic in this life.
But we also know — it’s damn hard to love yourself when you don’t satisfy your standards.
So, here is how I learned to do it.
First, recognise and accept
Awareness is always the first step towards change. You can not change something if you are not aware of it.
For example, if you had been a happy smoker for the past 10 years, without having any issues arise from it, you may have continued smoking without thinking of quitting.
And as a result, you wouldn’t feel bad while you smoke.
But if you decided to quit, you will notice the reaction towards smoking change because your standards have changed. In this instance, you are aiming higher and are not accepting your old ways anymore.
Hence now, when you find yourself craving nicotine, you register it as bad, and you deny yourself the love because now you don’t deserve it, as you still want to smoke.
So, the first step is to recognise it.
Catch it. Accept it.
The acceptance process means embracing your current restless state, the addiction and nervousness.
It means feeling every little bit of it.
And it sounds like this:
“I’m ok. I’m addicted to a substance. That is all fine. I am human and I am doing the best I can. At least I know more about myself now. Even though I’m craving a cigarette right now — I still love and accept myself.”
Be light about it
I’m a sincere believer that life is supposed to be fun, and honestly, I think I’m gonna repeat that until the day I die.
What I’m trying to say here — don’t take yourself too seriously. To assure you don’t go overboard, here is something to remember and maybe even repeat to yourself when you feel down:
“You will never be perfect.”
What a relief, ha?
As simple as it may sound, it’s actually profoundly deep. Think about it, if you were to be perfect — wouldn’t that mean the game is over?
And, life is more fun when it’s messy — I’ll take a sinner over a saint any day.
This doesn’t mean you go and spend your life energy on cheap satisfaction, harming oneself while doing so. No — it merely means you give yourself permission to enjoy your love now, while you are still becoming that better version of yourself.
This way, you enjoy the journey there more.
Fall in love with the current version of you
Life is such a fascinating voyage. When you remember moments of struggle and search for the meaning of random life events, can’t you see their beauty now, looking back?
To paint a picture; when I was starting my entrepreneurial journey, I took a ‘menial job’ (as Sheldon Cooper would say) to pay the bills.
This arrangement allowed me to work on my business during my free time.
My humble job implied me working in a clothing boutique, as a salesperson, and I really hated almost all aspects it.
Coming to work was like a death sentence, I was struggling to perform well at work or to enjoy life at home. I was always tired, and all I felt was — swollen feet, exhaustion and defeat.
By some divine intervention, I stopped to recognise:
- This sucks.
2. I will not stay here forever.
3. I’m in the process of growing.
4. I work so hard, and I deserve my love NOW.
With this simple recognition, suddenly, everything changed. It was one of those things; you don’t see it until you see it.
This job became — amazing! I was still doing the same menial chores; pushing boxes, selling to people I didn’t like, hoovering the store before closing time at 10 pm…
Yet, I enjoyed it.
And, inevitably, other areas of my life started looking optimistic too.
I began an after-work practice where I gave myself permission to completely relax and soak my tired body in a bubble bath.
This resulted in me sleeping better, so I started waking up at 5 am.
This lead to designing my first ever morning ritual.
I started doing my meditation and yoga practice, and eventually, I dug deep into creating a pleasant environment in every aspect of my life.
Final thoughts
Don’t overthink this, just love yourself now.
Take it easy. Have some fun.
While life may seem tragic or hard, remember that you are never stuck, you are just in the process of blooming.
